WWE Headquarters, Stamford, CT, 4-12-13
HHH: Oh man, Dave’s gonna be here any minute! I really hope we can get a deal done. It’d be great to have him back in WWE.
Kofi: Yup.
HHH: Hey, what are you even doing here, Kofi? All the boys have the day off. Shouldn’t you be at home?
Kofi: Jamaica’s a long way away, mon.
HHH: I thought you were from Ghana. And when did you get an accent again?
Kofi: I… Hey, what’s that noise?
(ground rumbles)
(pit of danger flies open)
Josey Scott: I WALK ALOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE.
Batista: Hey, Hunter. Good to see you.
HHH: Hey Dave! Who’s your friend?
Batista: Oh, that’s the guy from Saliva. They sing my theme, remember?
Josey: I WALKED A MILE INSIDE THIS PIT OF DANGERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
HHH: Is he okay?
Batista: Yeah, he does that. It gets annoying sometimes.
Josey: I SWALLOWED DOWN A THOUSAND YEAHS OF ANGAAAAH.
Kofi: People trying to do work here, man…
Batista: Josey! Quiet!
HHH: Yeah, Lemmy does that when I let him out of his cage.
(a lone voice mumbles his lyrics in the distance)
HHH: So, anyway. I figure since Rocky left, we could use some star power around here. And I think you’re the guy, Dave.
Batista: I do miss being in the squared circle. What did you have in mind?
HHH: Well there’s one guy who isn’t doing anything right now…
(door flies open)
Lesnar: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGH
HHH: You remember Brock, don’t you Dave?
Batista: It’s been awhile, but yeah. How you doin’ man?
Brock: YEARGH.
HHH: I think that means “good, thanks. How are you, sir?”
Batista: Can’t complain man. So Hunter, what kind of angle did you have in mind?
HHH: I was thinking you could fight over who had the better failed MMA career. *snicker*
(Batista, Lesnar and Josey all glare at HHH)
HHH: I’m only ribbing, man. Fine. If not Brock, who would you want to work with?
Batista: Who’s the World Champ?
HHH: Ziggler? Hold on, I’ll call him and see if he wants to work with you.
Batista: Tell him he has my title. And this Sunday. I’ll be needing it back.
HHH: Uhh, Dave… No one’s working on Sunday. They all have the weekend off.
Batista: Then who the hell am I going to work with?
(door flies open)
Cena: THE CHAMP. IS. HE- Wait. What the fuck is he doing here?
Batista: John.
Cena: Dave.
HHH: John, what are you doing here?
Cena: Yo, bossman.We needa talk about this Ryback thing. Where he be all mad and comin’ after my bling.
Batista: So you’re still doing the shitty rap thing, eh?
Cena: Fuck you, yo. You ain’t shit. The last time we fought, you straight up QUIT.
HHH: John, don’t you have an AIDS kid to go visit?
Cena: Yo, I forgot about that, yo.
*leaves*
Batista: So why does he still work here again?
HHH: Don’t worry. He’s fired as soon as we find a new top guy. Anyway, Dave. How about an EVOLUTION reunion?
(door flies open)
Orton: Hey… Hunter… What’s…
Flair: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
DiBiase: Sweet, man! A Legacy reunion! I can finally get back on TV!
Rhodes: Can I finally shave this caterpillar off my face?
Flair: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Orton: …up?
HHH: Ted and Cody, what the h-e-doublehockeysticks are you doing here? This is an EVOLUTION reunion! Not a Legacy reunion!
Rhodes: Sandow makes me feel intellectually inferior…
DiBiase: Guess I’ll go back to dad’s basement. He sure does talk about Jesus a lot…
*Rhodes and DiBiase leave*
Flair: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Kofi: I think something’s wrong with Ric, man.
HHH: Nah, he’s been that way ever since we got him back from Orlando.
Flair: WOO!
Orton: Hunter… If… We… Do… This… Again…
Batista: This is a great idea, man. I can finally ditch that song and maybe Josey will stop following me around.
Josey: (sadly)I’LL WALK ALOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE.
Batista: Can our first match be against a basketball?
HHH: A basketball?
Batista: Yeah. HBK told me they DO hold grudges.
HHH: That Shawn… What a card!
Orton: Will… You… Promise… Not… To… Bury… Me?
HHH: Sorry, Randy. I can’t make any promises there.
*shines up shovel*
Flair: WOOOOO!
HHH: Then it’s settled. EVOLUTION IS OUR SOLUTION.
Josey: I LOVE YOU I HATE YOU I CAN’T BREATHE WITHOUT YOU.
Batista: That’s not even the right song!
*HHH hits Josey with his sledgehammer*
HHH: You guys wanna get lunch?
Batista: Sure.
Orton: Sounds… Good…
Josey: (weakly) Lets get calzoooooooooooooooooooooones!
12 hours later…
Orton: …Where… Do… You… Guys… Want… To… Go?
(Zack Ryder walks by with a mop and bucket)
Ryder: Who are you talking to, Bro?
Orton: …
…
…
…
…fuck.