Josh: *singing* Nobody knows the trouble I've seen. Nobody knows but Jesus.
*Guard slams baton against the cell bars*
Guard: Keep it down in there, brown boy! You wouldn't want to annoy your new cell mate on the first day would you? That usually makes the rape that you’ll endure more violent and humiliating.
Josh: *gulp* Who…who’s my new cell mate?
Guard: Well here he comes right now.
*Cell door quickly opens*
Guard: Joshua Presle meet Prisoner H98523, Mr. Jeffery Nero Hardy.
Jeff Hardy: Hey Josh! We’re going to become great friends! We'll stay up all night howling at the moon, and painting our faces n’ shit. Welcome to the imagiNATION!
Josh: Kill me now.
*cut to a secret meeting at Kayfabe Corner headquarters*
Jeremy: Alright, is everyone here?
Steve: All present and accounted for.
Jeremy: Leave it to the Jew to ACCOUNT for things.
Steve: Fuck you Staples!
Jeremy: You’re not my type Shlomo.
Bethany: BOOM.
Bret: Can you guys hurry this meeting along; I have to take a fiery shit.
Jeremy: Seriously, what do you eat that makes you always have to take painful shits?
Bret: You’re Mom.
*Jeremy starts to get angry but quickly calms down*
Jeremy: Nah, you're probably right. Anyway, back to the reason why you've all been gathered here. We’re going to bust Josh out of prison. And it’s not going to be easy. After that idiot John Cena attempted to break him out the last time, he was placed in a maximum security facility.
Bret: How do we plan on getting him out then?
Jeremy: Simple…
*Lights a cigar*
Jeremy: We’re going to blast our way in. Welcome to the B-Team
*A-Team theme music plays*
Bethany: WAIT! We all need pretty boots for our super cool B-Team outfits!
*everyone else just shakes their head*
*Cut back to prison*
Josh: Man, I thought regular prison was bad. But this... this is worse than having to sit through Mike Adamle promos for the rest of my life.
Jeff Hardy: Okay, dude. First thing we gotta do is make some crack. You got any tools?
Josh: Are you fucking serious? I thought you stopped all that drug crap!
Hardy: Dude, TNA just said that so they could put the belt on me.
Josh: *sigh*
*guards change*
Josh: Shut up, Methy. We don't want this guard to hear your blabbering.
*Josh & Hardy turn around and stop talking*
*guard bangs on doors*
Guard: Well lookee what we got here! I haven't been this excited since I ruined Big Show's memorial for his little daddy waddy!
*Josh realizes where he's heard that before*
Josh: What the fuck? Big Boss Man?
Boss Man: You darn right!
Josh: Aren't you dead?
Boss Man: Yup, faked my own death so I could work my prisons in peace. Hey, monkey boy back there, calm yourself!
Hardy: Got any meth?
*cut to B-team van*
Steve: How did I get stuck next to Brett farts over here?
Jeremy: You thought I'd let you sit next to Bethany?
Steve: Well considering Brett here is your butt buddy, I just figured it was a given.
Bethany: *snaps a Z*
Steve: How much longer until we get there?
Bret: It's not easy finding the middle of nowhere, Demain.
Steve: Then how does anyone find your dick?
Bret: They usually start by looking for your mouth.
*Van stops*
Jeremy: Alright, assholes we’re here.
Bret: Good, I have to take another shit.
Jeremy: Here’s the plan, our lovely demolition expert Bethany is in charge of bringing that wall down.
Steve: But she’s a chick! What does she know about blowing?
Jeremy: Oh, she knows. Trust me!
Bethany: *hairflip*
Steve: Then, why did we bring them?
*Points to the back of the van where former WWF Tag Team Demolition are sitting*
Jeremy: Because I love those guys! Remember their awesome entrance music?
*Everyone breaks into song*
Everyone: Here comes the Ax, here comes the Smasher. The Demolition, walking disaster. Pain and destruction are our middle names!!
*Everyone gives each other white guy high fives*
*Bret poops a little*
Jeremy: OK, B-Team. Engage operation save Josh’s butthole!
*Everyone exits the van while Bethany plants several explosives along the prison wall*
*B-Team regroups behind the van*
Jeremy: Alright, Bethany. Take down that wall on 3.
*Everyone counts down*
Everyone: 1……2……3!!
*Bethany pushes detonator button*
Bethany: BOOM.
*wall explodes*
Catch the thrilling conclusion to Behind The Kurtain: Free Josh Presle this coming Tuesday exclusively at KayfabeCorner.com!!