Edwards (into radio): Pigmonger to Pennypincher. Do you copy? Come in Pennypincher.
Demain: (over radio): This is Pennypincher. What’s your status?
Edwards: I’ve made my way past security. Approaching target now.
Demain: Do NOT fuck this up, Edwards. I’m counting on you!
Edwards: There’s no way you’ll lose the title after this, boss. Lolol
(door flies open)
Bethany: No! Fuck you, Jeremy! All you want to do is go out to a club and fuck strippers!
Staples: What? Are you out of your mind, woman? There’s not enough coke and meth in the world that would make a stripper want my dick!
Edwards: Hey guys. Lolol
Staples: Edwards? What the fuck are you doing in our house?
Edwards: Oh shit. I wasn’t supposed to get caught, haha. TITTAYS!
Bethany: Who is that? Is that Adam Levine?
Staples: No, just the guy who wants Adam Levine in him.
Bethany: BOOM.
Edwards: BOOYAH!
Bethany: BOOM.
Edwards: BOOYAH!
Bethany: BOOM.
Edwards: BOOYAH!
Bethany: BOOM.
Edwards: BOOYAH!
Presle: HIYO!
Staples: Elvis? What the fuck are you doing here?
Presle: I got this note in the mail…
Presle: …and I figured you two would be too drunk to do anything about it…
Staples: *slams vodka bottle down* Drunk!? Who’s drunker than me? I’ll kick their ass!
Bethany: *hairflip*
Presle: …so I figured I’d come out and put a stop to this myself.
Staples: But who could have sent him?
(door flies open)
(scent of Axe body spray wafts in)
Demain: What’s up BITCHES? Edwards! Did you get the job done?
Edwards: I… I…
Staples: No. We caught him before he could get to the super secret ballot box. You’re a piece of shit for trying to rig the contest, dude.
Demain: Yo, bro. I ain’t got time for that promo writing shit. I have a GIRLFRIEND. That I have sex with. A lot. Sex with my GIRLFRIEND. It’s not like I need the help, anyway. I’m gonna crush you clowns this weekend! And after, I’m gonna go see a movie with my GIRLFRIEND. Who I am having sex with. Did I mention I have a GIRLFRIEND? GIRLFRIEND.
Presle: Jesus, we get it dude! And take that stupid snapback off your head. You look like a tool!
Demain: Don’t hate on mah SWAG, bro.
Staples: Wait, if you were just gonna come here yourself, why bother sending that idiot Edwards?
Demain: I thought I was gonna be busy with my GIRLFRIEND. But she had to go to work.
Edwards: TITTAYS!
Presle: Shut up! All of you! It looks like the ballot box is safe, so I’m gonna go. You faggots had better not try anything funny after I leave.
Staples: I’m too drunk to try.
Bethany: I like your boots!
Presle: Yeah, I’m not wearing boots, but thanks. I guess. I’ll see you fuckers this weekend.
*leaves*
Demain: I’m gonna go too. My GIRLFRIEND is almost off of work.
*takes selfie*
*uses Instagram*
*leaves*
Edwards: Can I get some money to get home? Lolol
Both Stapleseses: No.
Edwards: Damn.
Elsewhere…
Bealer: Hey, why the fuck weren’t we in this BTK?
Berg: Fuck if I know. Wanna smoke this blunt with me?
Bealer: Thought you’d never ask.
Berg: Awesome. Just so you know, I get grabby when I get high.
Bealer: I’d expect no less, Berg. I’d expect no less.